Day 25-26: Indulgence Anxiety!

Almost end of week 4 and first indulgence. Somehow it doesn't really come as a good news for me. We got the mail yesterday morning and I still didn't get my indulgence treat yet. First issue is, I don't know what to get. Which is clearly weird because 4 weeks ago I would have craved for something sweet sooo easily. Second thing is, I am clearly fearing the consequences of this indulgence on my body's envies. I was somehow doing just fine with my diet. I love fish, I love veggies. I love all the food that we are eating. I like healthy food. I just took really bad habits with time and realized in the past weeks that it was not that hard to get rid of momentum cravings. So now the indulgence mail comes and I am like,... ok but what do I want?? Chocolate cake? not really,... cheesecake,... not really,... pizza,... not really! Just maybe something more savory really good,... but then again, what ??? It's weird, I never thought that way. Again a few weeks ago I would have jumped on so many things. So what should I get and when? And what if, if I eat something different now, it makes me want some more? It's the whole control thing that is freaking me out a bit. Anyway I figured that I would give myself till the end of the week end to get my indulgence. Maybe by then I'll know what I want.


Workout wise, it got tougher this week. Floor jumps,... Ok so I wanted a demo to make sure I was doing them right. When I started to feel my legs after maybe 8 jumps, I thought I didn't need a demo right away. I was probably doing them well enough if it was hurting me that much. I personally find creeps much easier. I can go through the sets without suffering that much. All in all, I look ridiculous jumping or creeping like this at 5h30 in the morning but feeling like a fool doesn't kill for sure; if it did I'd be dead for a long long time.


In the past weeks I saw on the scale and felt in my clothes that I got thiner but I never actually felt it in my body. Well I start to feel it now. And start to feel some parts of my body in a different way as well. Hip crease are different (I just noticed that). That's good. Because that part I clearly want to change.


About Patrick's last email on the entourage's behavior, I must say I cannot really complain. I don't feel judged or don't feel negative energy around me but also, I know we are supposed to talk about it a lot, but I actually only mentioned the PCP to people I feel close to. That might help. The mail also made me realized that I think I was a bit negative as well when my friends were telling me about the PCP. It seemed to painful in terms of organization (the weighting food part). I feel bad about that,... Sooorryy people!


Voila voila, so well am holding on ok so far. I just need to go through this indulgence thing. I guess I just do not trust myself enough and not sure whether I'll be able to stay in control,... I hope the indulgence won't bring the worst out of me! We'll see.